Image: kishbee
There are a lot of service related industries where it pays to know the name of the person helping you. If you have someone performing some construction on your home, you’ll want to get his name. But why in the world do I need to know my waiter’s name when I eat out at a restaurant? Furthermore, why does it need to be written in purple crayon on my table?
I’m sure you’ve had it happen to you before. You walk into the Italian restaurant and some overly friendly kid from the junior college comes over and scribbles his name. Even worse, the waiter or waitress will often embellish their name with a heart or maybe a balloon. You may think it’s just quality service but there’s where you’re wrong.
Did you ever stop to think that it is your waiter’s passive-aggressive way of inserting himself into your life, if only for an hour? Normally, a waiter will say, “Hi there. I’m Tony and I’ll be your server tonight.” Within five second you have no idea what this guy’s name is. Unfortunately, when they graffiti your tablecloth with it, the waiter has the upper hand. Your privacy at that table has been raped–if only slightly.
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Some people just do not realize how to function in society. One example that we’ll touch on today is the moron that puts his change in the vending machine and then looks up to decide what he will buy. We’ve all stood behind this person and wanted to shove them head first through the glass. After all, a vending machine is the simplest form of purchasing out there. A buyer of average intelligence can pick a snack, place money in the slot, hit the buttons and scoop their purchase from the bottom.
Unfortunately, for below-average intelligence folks, the vending machine is an obstacle in their day-to-day lives and because of their complete lack of common sense, we’re forced to wait behind them while they debate the pros and cons of Sun Chips or generic powdered donuts.
Maybe it is a minor detail and we should leave simple people alone but I would personally like for everyone to start a new trend. From now on, when someone puts their money into a vending machine and doesn’t make their choice within a 3-Mississippi count, I want you to press “B1″ on the vending machine keypad for them.
With that, we’ve created the “B1″ rule. This must catch on! I want to overhear someone in my office say, “Eww, why did you buy the trail mix?” followed by the response, “I didn’t mean to. Someone B1′ed me.”
These idiots must learn a lesson and taking the snack decision out of their hands will make the world a better place for everyone.
Image: sfllaw
If there’s one activity I dread doing more than anything else, it is shopping for clothes. Once I’ve purchased everything I need I hope that I don’t have to go back for years. I’ll wear a shirt until the sleeves fall off. With that having been said, there is an atrocious issue out there that is robbing unsuspecting consumers blind. It’s disposable clothing. We need to take a stand and bring this to an end.
You’ve had this happen to you. After a long day at the local mall, you found a new shirt that’s perfect. Everything about it suits you just fine. You pay your hard-earned $30 to Trevontrelle and leave feeling successful. Of course, you’d never dream of wearing something that’s been hanging on the rack without washing it first, so into the washer and dryer it goes. Unfortunately, it comes out a full size or two smaller than when you tried it on. But how can that be?! You’ve followed the instructions on the tag–Cold water, delicate setting and tumble dry low. What do you do now?
Now you’re pissed. The easy solution is to throw it away, chalk up the $30 loss and move on with your life. That’s easier said than done. If you don’t put up a fuss, the clothing companies win and humanity will continue to suffer.
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People expect to keep their coffee table looking nice when they spend hundreds of dollars on it. Their plans are often short-lived because inevitably a friend will come over or one of their own retarded children will stab them in the back and sit an icy beverage directly on the shiny, pristine surface.
We all know what happens then. That beautiful piece of furniture is now marred by a perfectly circular ring of wood graffiti. Sure, you can fix this problem with some sanding, staining, more staining and a couple of coats of polyurethane. You could even hide the stain with that 1997 issue of Travel and Leisure Magazine. Or, you can just expect people to use a coaster.
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They say that everyone has a story. We all start out as little babies with clean slates and events in our lives shape us into who we become. However, somewhere along the lines, something goes haywire in a select group of people’s lives and those individuals feel they need to draw attention to themselves in drastic ways.
The excessive tattooed, overly pierced group needs to rethink where they’ve gone wrong. If you can see through all of the horrendous tattoos and piercings in ridiculous places, you’ll generally find an unattractive person. After all, nobody with the looks of a supermodel would destroy what they have going by stabbing objects through themselves or covering their perfect skin in bad drawings. You may be thinking, “We’re starting with an ugly palette to begin with. Why not ink it up?” I’m glad you asked.
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